Since my last post all I can think about is where do I go from here?  What do I share with everyone?  I couldn't even sleep that night after I wrote my last post so I decided not to blog just before bed.  My mind won't shut down.
I really still don't know where to start.  YES, we decided to carry Mabry.  I knew during the ultrasound that God had a plan!!  I didn't know what it was and I may never know but I knew he had a plan.  This is where you will begin to see my FAITH in Christ Jesus!  I know not all of you who read this will believe as Brian and I do BUT that's ok.  We are not here to push it on you.  We just want to show everyone his LOVE.  Honestly, I have thought several times - I don't know how anyone cannot believe in HIM and go through something like losing a child!!! It is my hope, my strength, my everything.  I will not shy away from what I believe but I will not force it either.  I know that GOD is the only one who can cause you to see HIM.
The reason we decided to carry Mabry is because we want her life to have purpose and meaning - EVEN if it is only for a short time in my womb and on earth.  She is only expected to live maybe an hour after being born.  I truly feel as though those of you who will follow this story will see how great our GOD is and how amazing he is despite what is happening.  THIS is why I am sharing openly and blogging.  (I have never enjoyed being pregnant - I am not one of those women who is happier when they are pregnant or wished they were always pregnant).
After we found out about Mabry, we decided to not tell our oldest son, Carson yet.  We just weren't ready. We didn't know what to say.  We did decide to have an amniocentesis done to confirm the diagnosis (which we have not received the results back yet).  We did this one week after we found out.  I can't even begin to tell you how much pain and sorrow we have experienced since hearing the news that our only daughter (we have 2 boys) would not survive outside the womb!!!  For days and weeks I felt so overwhelmed with life!  My children were a comfort at times but others overwhelming and exhausting.  One of the things my husband and I were able to see during all of this was how amazing the BODY OF CHRIST works.  People brought us meals and flowers, went to the grocery store for me, took my children for a couple of hours, emailed and texted with words of encouragement and scripture, and got us a housekeeper to clean my house one day!!!  I cannot nor will I ever be able to express my gratitude to all the people that have done things for us!  A friend of mine, who lost her little girl about a year ago told me - "You are not allowed to say no to people."  You have no idea how hard that was for me - I am not good at receiving.  I would rather give and I feel guilty for receiving.  BUT I had to let people help me, I had to let those around me help carry me - I was weak.  I am a very strong, independent person but I am learning to be weak - I am learning its ok to be weak -2 Corinthians 12:9 Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  The body of christ is an amazing thing!  I also want share in ways that we have seen God bless us in all of this!!!  First, we were supposed to be moving to San Antonio for my husband to complete a fellowship in pain management.  Thus, in the middle of all our grief, our house was for sale.  We had already decided once we sold our house we were going to find temporary housing and stay in Temple until we delivered Mabry in September (or whenever she came).  Then two days after some women paid a housekeeper to come clean my house we had a buyer!  BUT WAIT it only gets better!  They are paying cash, did not want an inspection or an appraisal and were going to let us live here until the end of June. We close on our house May 31st!  Tomorrow! GOD IS SO GOOD!  But again it hasn't stopped there.  After much prayer and conversation - Brian was offered to stay on in Temple as a staff anesthesiologist for one year.  At first, I didn't want Brian to give up his fellowship - I felt so guilty!  But I noticed as things started falling into place - he seemed more and more at peace with this decision.  Thus, together we made the decision to stay in Temple where we have a church body and many friends.  Thank you God for providing for us during this difficult time!  Let your name be lifted higher and higher!!!  

On April 16, 2013 my husband met me at the hospital for our 18wk ultrasound.  We had already peeked and found out we were having a girl!  So as I was lying there while the technician scanned my belly, I laughed and made jokes.  It seemed like it was taking her a long time but she had already told us that she measures everything twice.  Next thing I know, while she is still scanning the doctor comes in and starts asking me all these questions.  "Did we notice that her arms and legs were measuring shorter?"  Honestly, I have already forgotten what they were but I do remember him saying the word dwarfism.  All I could think about was "a midget"?  So finally, I had to ask him - I said, I am sorry do you mean a midget?  Even though I am a nurse, I was having trouble following him.  He said, "Yes."  I thought to myself, "Ok, we can deal with that.  How do you buy clothes, what kind of difficulties will she have? It will be ok"  Then he preceded to say they were also seeing some other things and were going to take a closer look.  A lot is blur after that but I do know that we were there for over 2.5hrs.  We waited for the high risk OB doctor to come in who scanned us again and confirmed it, "We think your daughter has a lethal condition that is incompatible with life.  It is called thanatophoric (meaning death bearing)  dysplasia."  After he completed all the measurements, he confirmed that her condition was lethal and she would only live maybe 1 hr after birth.  She has short arms and legs.  Her fingers are curved and legs are bowed.  Her nose is smaller than usual.  She has platyspondylic, which is spine deformity.  Another common development is that of an enlarged skull and large forehead most often requiring a c-section due to the large head.  The reason the condition is lethal is because her ribs and chest wall are too small to allow her lungs to fully develop so that when she is born she will be unable to breathe on her own because of hypoplastic lungs.  I was in absolute shock!  I started sobbing uncontrollably and he stopped talking and placed his arm on my leg and just waited.  Brian was sitting next to me sobbing as well. Once I calmed down, I asked where do we go from here?  He told me he had to offer me the right to terminate the pregnancy OR I could carry her as long as I could.  A decision that would not be made lightly.
We left the hospital still in shock, eyes swollen and blood shot from tears.  Brian was going to call his family and give them the news and I called my dad to tell him.  I could hardly get the words out - all I remember saying is, "She's not going to live."  I couldn't talk anymore, I couldn't give details.  I told him not to call back and tell my mom and sisters.  I would call when I was ready.  Everything seemed so unreal after that.  Brian and I sat down and talked about it. We decided I was going to carry her for as long as God would allow.  We had always said if we had a girl we would name her Mabry (after my grandmother) and Rose (after Brian's grandmother). So, thus became the story of MABRY ROSE.